Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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