I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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