I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
