you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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