WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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