Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize