After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize