Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
