I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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