Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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