Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
