I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
