so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
