OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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