Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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