home. puking in laundry basket.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
