She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize