I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize