if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
