I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
