I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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