you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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