I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
