im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
