I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
