Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
