Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
