I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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