Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
