The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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