he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
