I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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