Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
