I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
