you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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