weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
