Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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