shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize