her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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