sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I pour the whiskey from now on
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
