Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
