He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
