i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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