Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
