Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
