I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
