Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
