Apparently you make a good broom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
