wakey wakey hands off snakey
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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