Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
