Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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