quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
