i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
