i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
birth control should be required to get into college
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
