I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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