Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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