Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
