my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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