I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
