R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
