We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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