Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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