i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize